


Deserving and Shit

by lesbiansinoctober



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Post-Coital Cuddling, Some angst, dago is emo bc he's gay thats how it works, i dont think i really know what fluff is, i love billy sm okay, i told zizi id write this if she finished the knife fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-16 00:42:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18510436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbiansinoctober/pseuds/lesbiansinoctober
Summary: or "Diego is an emotionally illiterate person and just wants to be loved".





	Deserving and Shit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Worldsgreatestnerd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Worldsgreatestnerd/gifts).



It had taken longer than Diego would like to admit to feel comfortable in Billy’s house. It wasn’t that he was rich. Diego had seen the interior of houses that were too expensive for their own good far too many times. Sure, Diego felt that bite at the back of his throat the first couple of times, standing in Billy’s entryway, feeling painfully dirty. In the moment, he’d attribute it to the sex he knew they were going to have, but in the hours after, he’d know that wasn’t why. He couldn’t recall if he felt that same bite when he brought Billy to his room. 

No, it wasn’t that Billy was rich. It was that Billy was good. Laying in Billy’s bed, sheets thick and duvet thicker, Diego could only think about how good Billy was. He could only remember lounging in Billy’s living room, mindlessly watching some bullshit reality TV while Billy ordered flowers for his mother. Big roses to be delivered on Mother’s Day. 

He could only remember driving back to Billy’s house, left eye swelling so big now that he almost, almost couldn’t see Billy shaking his head. His smile was wide, but his mouth made the quietest tut, tut, tut.

“Thought you were a better fighter,” Billy had laughed, no harshness to his tone.

“Yeah, when I don’t have pretty distractions,” Diego had tried, knowing full well he’d have lost all the same. 

Despite his teasing, Billy still brought Diego home, still cleaned his eye, outfitted him with a bag of peas for the swelling, and stayed up with him all night. Just in case of a concussion, he said everytime Diego begged to be able to sleep.

Sure, maybe not in the eyes of the law, but to Diego, Billy was inexplicably good. Diego’s law was just as good, anyhow. On this night, too, Billy had been mind-numbingly good, but that we’ve heard about extensively from Zizi, so you don’t need it from me, too. He slept now, humming softly. Diego had napped afterwards, but can’t find any real sleep now. He sighs loudly, chest heaving, just once, and waits. 

No answer from his sleeping boyfriend. He tries again, much to the same reaction.

He waits now. Blue lights filters in through curtains. They blow around, just slightly, with the breeze from the partially opened window. It made the room cold, just cold enough to push Billy and Diego closer in the name of warmth. 

“B,” he whispers against Billy’s skin. He punctuates with a kiss to the forehead. “B, wake up. ‘M lonely.”

Billy turns over to face away from Diego. A small smile grows on his face, and he hopes Diego can’t see. 

Diego nudges Billy with his shoulder, twice lightly, and Billy gives in.

“Up already, Princess?” He teases.

Diego doesn’t respond. Suddenly, he feels far too tight and encased. He’s woken Billy now, and there is a silence where he should provide a reason, provide a joke or make a move or something that will explain. He doesn’t have one, though. A reason, that is. 

“Somethin’ wrong?” Billy’s voice is tinged with sleep, and if Diego had been listening rather than thinking he’d have loved to commit that to memory. Billy turns, sitting up to hold Diego in his arms. He’s nothing if not a gracious top, after all.

“This is fine, right?”

Billy laughs. He wants to make a joke, but thinks better of it. He doesn’t want to give Diego an out. “We’re fine, if that’s what you’re asking. Do you not feel fine?”

“Nope, I’m fine. ‘Night.” Billy’s grip on Diego tightens and he’s unable to sink down and hide under the covers. 

“Diego,” Billy starts. “What’s this about?”

It takes a moment for his boyfriend to respond. He has to concentrate on the words he wants to say, on wrapping his tongue and teeth around the sounds. “I don’t deserve this.”

The sound of the air leaving his mouth, stifled and stale, leaves Billy at a loss. The words took time, but they weren’t new. Diego had to have been thinking them for weeks, at least. Tomorrow, he’d think up something nice, something to make Diego feel special. And maybe find a good therapist in the area, too.

For tonight, he just wanted his boyfriend to feel okay enough to get some sleep. “You’re overthinking it, dumbass. Are you happy?”

“Yeah.”

 

“Good. I’m happy too.” Billy stops, thinking. “We don’t get shit ‘cause we deserve it. We just get it.” 

“Oh,” is all Diego can think. “Right.” He didn’t know if he had ever thought about it that way. He and Ben used to stay up late and talk like that, real existential shit, but they’d always be too tired and goofy to remember what they’d said in the mornings.

“But, I do know you deserve to be happy, Diego.”

Diego doesn’t reply, settling down in Billy’s arms. He does smile, though, and don’t think that Billy didn’t catch it. Billy pulls the duvet up over them. Sleep doesn’t take long for either of them.


End file.
